Do I suffer from vaginismus?

When I talk about vaginismus, a girlfriend or a stranger at a party often tells me that she might have it too and asks me what I think. Many women don't know that vaginismus exists, and many still don't know if they are affected. You may be one of them behind your screen too. So how do you know if you have vaginismus?

The basics of vaginismus.

Personally, it took me a while to realise that I had vaginismus. This article is not intended to give a definition of a vaginic woman by diagnosing women who may be perfectly fine. I am not a doctor, gynaecologist or sexologist. But I am concerned and as such I think I can give some keys.

A woman can experience vaginismus if her pelvic floor muscles contract without her consciously causing it. In concrete terms, a vaginal crisis can be identified when the perineum contracts so much that penetration appears uncomfortable, painful or even impossible. The vaginal woman has the feeling that her vagina is closed, and it is often said that she is facing a wall, not a hole. She does not want this closure and has no control over it - it is like a spasm. This closure can be constant, in which case we speak of total vaginismus, i.e. nothing ever passes. But it can also be partial depending on the object: sexual intercourse is impossible as opposed to the insertion of a tampon for example, the body seems to react radically different to each intrusion. Or partial depending on a situation: sexual intercourse is possible at one moment and impossible at another, without a clear difference being established between the two moments that could justify a difference - typically relations with the same partner at different times of the day.

Traditionally, there are two forms of vaginismus: primary and secondary. Primary vaginismus occurs during the very first attempts. Secondary vaginismus occurs after several sexual encounters. It is often said that primary vaginismus is due to education and secondary vaginismus is due to trauma. I don't think this distinction is necessary. Trauma can occur before the first relationships. And there are often many factors - upbringing and trauma - that work together, without one being more important than the other.

First penetrations can be painful if they are done without the necessary materials, such as lubricant, or if they are too stressful. It can also mean a lack of consent or preparation, and should be taken into account. But pain does not necessarily mean that you have vaginismus.

The consultation, a diagnosis to be taken into account?

I had a very bad gynaecological consultation, and it made me realise how many people have a biased view of vaginismus. The gynaecologist tried to prove to me at the time that I did not have vaginismus. I'll skip the details, it didn't work. The effect was even the opposite, because when I came out I had a thousand times more reason to consider penetration as a source of pain. My gynaecologist was not a bad gynaecologist, she was not a person who had not followed her training properly, or an abuser. My gynaecologist was a woman trained by the traditional institution and therefore did not have the resources to deal with vaginismus.

Today's medical staff are not yet able to deal with sexual disorders that affect women, and vaginismus is one of them. This is changing, fortunately. But we are only at the beginning of the process. I say this because some of you may have - or may be facing - the same difficulties. So just a reminder: medical staff do not have a voice of authority and you can leave a consultation when it becomes painful. You don't have to take the advice of someone who has never had vaginismus at face value, or even someone who has: take a step back and listen to your body. If you think you have vaginismus, it is best to go to gynaecologists or sexologists who say they know about it. This is the best way to avoid a worthless diagnosis, and to find support in your recovery.

Let's recap, vaginal or not?

If you feel strong pain during penetration or if penetration seems - at certain times or continuously - impossible, vaginismus may be the cause. But be aware that there are other disorders, so it may be worthwhile to review them with a health professional - who knows about them! If you do have vaginismus, don't panic, it can be cured and it's not that complicated. I'll leave you to discover each of my blog posts in which I share with you everything I've learned, and everything that has helped me to cope with it.