Testimonial: "I am a religious person and a churchgoer, and I recently discovered that I suffer from vaginismus. I have read a lot about the responsibility of religion and its dogma in my vaginismus. Far from wanting to stigmatise women who make the choice to heal, I feel that the process is incompatible with my faith, which places a high value on respecting my virginity. I am afraid to consult a practitioner who considers my religious interests secondary, and I am also afraid of the judgement of a believer if I turn to her. What position do I take?"
Anonymous.
The weight of religion: a weight to be put into perspective.
This testimony is interesting because religion is often and even almost always pointed out as the only factor in vaginismus. We find, in particular in the three great monotheistic religions, the invitation to remain a virgin: and as you know, the more you repeat something to someone, the more their body integrates it. Religion has therefore been widely blamed as the sole cause of vaginismus, and in particular the Muslim religion. For this reason, when researching this disorder, it is often seen as coming from Muslim countries where waiting until marriage for sex is encouraged. In the discourse, one quickly arrives at a demonisation of beliefs, regardless of the nature of those beliefs.
So of course, religion certainly has a role to play in the construction of vaginismus, and in order to heal, it is necessary to reflect on one's relationship with it, but it is not the only one to come into play. The many religious, practising women who do not suffer from vaginismus show that there is no determinism, and that the weight of religion must be put into perspective. It is simply one factor among others, all equally important. In a patriarchal society where women's inferiority is the rule, making religion the only one responsible is to give oneself a clear conscience.
What the texts say: Not opposition but alignment.
Regarding the second part of this testimony, it is natural to ask the question of a possible opposition between healing vaginismus and religion. Vaginismus is the closure to sexual relations, which religion invites: in this sense, curing vaginismus can be seen as a sin. But vaginismus is not just about closing yourself off to sex, it is also about experiencing pain during medical consultations or when inserting tampons/cups. Curing vaginismus is essential for one's well-being and not just for accessing penetrative sex. Waiting until you're married is putting off the deadline: healing takes a while, so you might as well get started as soon as possible.
I have looked in religious texts for further reflection, you are free to choose your interpretation, what I say (especially in this area) is far from being an absolute truth. Whether in Christianity, Buddhism, Islam or Judaism, illness has a place in the stories. In the Bible it says: "Beloved, I wish you to prosper in every way and to be in good health, just as your soul is" (3 John 1:2). (3 John 1:2). In verse 15 of chapter 4 of Devarim, the Torah indicates the obligation to care for one's soul, which many interpret as an obligation to consider one's health. Similarly, Sahih Al-Bukhari, in Sahih Murim writes "There is a remedy for every disease and when the remedy is applied to the sick person, he is cured by the permission of God, the Almighty." Finally, in Buddhist teaching, illness is seen as a source of teaching, and it always comes from the psyche which then impacts the body.
So, for each religion, there is no contradiction in curing vaginismus, but rather an obligation, a religious duty to keep oneself healthy - whether it be from the point of view of the body as well as the mind. In matters of religion, you are the only person who can decide what you believe in.
Virginity.
Finally, and this is the point that crystallises the possible contradiction: to think that curing vaginismus can impact on your virginity is simply not true. Virginity means never having had sex, and your attempt at healing is not sex. There are several forms of healing and I will probably come back to this in a future article, but briefly: you can choose what I call medical healing, i.e. without masturbation, without a partner. In this case, it's exactly the same as if you were healing a sore throat, only it comes from a different place. Treating yourself in this way will not impact on your faith and what it recommends you do.
If you are worried about your hymen, no worries either, as the healing process will not impact it. It will be about building up your perineum, and being able to regain control over your intimacy, not just 'drilling a hole' in your vagina.
So to sum up, curing vaginismus is not about betraying your religious beliefs. You can be cured of vaginismus and still be a virgin. You can heal from vaginismus and be perfectly aligned with God. So don't hesitate!
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