How do we get out of this state where we want to heal but don't take action?
Often between the moment of awareness of the problem and the moment of its resolution there are weeks, months, even years, without anything really happening. This is not a lack of willpower but rather a stagnation into which it is easy to fall. To get out of it, we must first try to understand why we procrastinate. Fear of failure? Fear of success? I dedicated an article to the deep reasons of procrastination, it's right here. Sometimes it's just temporary: periods of emptiness in which we make little or no progress. Sometimes it's when you're ready to start, because you don't know where to begin. In each case, there's no need to worry, it's within everyone's reach to get through it, you just have to adopt the right reflexes.
Adopt a routine.
To stop procrastinating, the most effective solution is to set time aside exclusively for the task in hand. The same applies to procrastination related to vaginismus. It can be in the morning, before you start your day, taking time to write or explore your relationship with your body. It can also be at the end of the day to take stock. The most important thing is that you are sure that you cannot deviate from it. This time should be considered non-negotiable. If a daily rhythm seems impossible, don't hesitate to choose times at the weekend or on a particular day of the week. At first, adopting a routine may seem too restrictive, but as time goes by it becomes more natural.
However, even if routine is the most effective solution, it should not be a source of disgust or pressure. Healing should be an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, to relax: it should not be a new goal to achieve. In other words, healing can only be thought of as a process to make you feel good. It is not about measuring the effectiveness of your sessions, your productivity. It is very difficult to think of healing as a relationship to time. You don't have any work to do. If you adopt a routine and you don't stick to it, then there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Often, the very fact that you block on healing is something that reveals what it is about penetration that really distresses you.
Make healing fun.
Healing is often something that is feared as a source of pain, stress or even trouble. To avoid the temptation to procrastinate, make healing sessions enjoyable. If healing becomes a pleasure, there will immediately be less chance of procrastination. But how do you do this? You can be very instagrammatic and fill your room with candles, if that's what relaxes you. You can also put on some music, do it in front of a film or a series. In short, this activity should not only be a purely "medical" act, but you should find an interest in it. Sometimes just silence, when you have spent the day in noise, can be a source of pleasure. It will be during certain stages essential to pay full attention to your body and how you feel.
Can solitary pleasures be the moment of healing? I will come back to the two approaches to healing in a future article, but simply put, there are no prohibitions. Each woman creates her own healing. If masturbation can help you to do this, then there is nothing to stop you. However, many women (including vaginal women) make masturbation not an act of penetration, but a stimulation of the outer part of their anatomy. In doing so, masturbation cannot solve the problem of vaginismus. Furthermore, for vaginic women who have difficulty opening up outside of intimate moments (tampon, medical consultation), healing must focus on perineal control that is not related to sexual arousal. This type of approach is necessary when you are able to open up with your partner but not in front of health workers.
Do it with someone.
The final solution to procrastination is to find motivation in those around you. If you don't have anyone close to you to talk to, don't be afraid to look for someone on social media. There are many Instagram pages about vaginismus, and many times the subscribers suffer from it too. Having a recovery partner can be beneficial for sharing and motivating yourself. Talking to someone who cares can help you avoid the stigma of vaginismus and break the isolation. It is also a way to see the difficulties faced by women with vaginismus and the solutions they have found to overcome them.
Be careful though, curing vaginismus is not a competition. And if one is making progress, the other should not feel bad about not making it. Moreover, this healing consists of taking possession of one's own body, understanding it and listening to it. The collective should not supplant the solitary moments, which are essential.
Take the pressure off.
If you are not healing, if you have a loss of motivation, use these tips but do not put pressure on yourself. Stress is not the cause of vaginismus - as we often hear - but rather an aggravating factor. So relax, take the pressure off. Healing is a goal only if it makes you feel good. It will take as long as it takes, but you're getting there. Vaginismus is far from being a fatality.
Comments